I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
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