she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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