1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
