a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Randomize
