tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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