She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
