So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
