I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
