Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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