When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
