Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
