i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
