who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
