I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
