Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
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