I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
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