do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
