Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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