Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
