we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Randomize
