May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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