this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
