How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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