had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
