Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
