The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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