He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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