This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
