hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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