Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize