upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
she pinky promised me she was 18
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
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