it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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