I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
