I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
