Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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