fuck your aforementioned shoe
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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