I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
