dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
