Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
