It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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