Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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