He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
