i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
