I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Randomize
