And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
