I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Randomize
