What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
