I can feel you judging me through the phone.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
