We're like a lot better than the average bears
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
