so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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