my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Randomize
