history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Randomize
