I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
