You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
