I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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