Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Panties = found
Randomize