I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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