Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
