im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
