yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
