This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
