it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize
