Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Randomize
