A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
