after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Randomize
