If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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